(Almost) Quarter-Life Crisis.

Being cooped up in someone else's flat, in a strange city does wonders for the brain's thinking power. It is not so good, however, when your mind decides to turn its full attention on that dreaded 'F' word, the FUTURE.

I am happily engaged so no doubts there at all. In fact, I am loving the conversations about venues, budgets and cakes! It becomes a little daunting at times- there are so many details to pick and choose, it's all a bit intimidating, but still super exciting.

Like most penultimate year students I know, I am beginning to think about what I am going to do when my time at University is over- this is terrifying. Don't get me wrong, I am unbelievably ready to finish my degree! I enjoy it, but I need to escape the small town in which I have ended up, and I cannot wait to get married and start my real life.

Nevertheless, deciding to move to Manchester (at least while JC qualifies as an Actuary) has thrown my career plan right off course. Day-to-day this does not bother me. I relish the prospect of a life that isn't already set in stone. However, I spent the other day scouring the internet for possible work in Manchester. I looked for the kinds of jobs I would be interested in applying for, and for employment that I hadn't though of before, but I would be qualified to do. To my pleasant surprise I found quite a lot of media-based jobs that I could try and get into right here in Manchester. The city is a thriving, bustling place, and much cheaper and friendlier than London (in my opinion) so these future job prospects got me excited!

However, I made the mistake of continuing my search the next day and alas, NO WORK. NOTHING. NADA. I couldn't find anything that I would be able to apply for and this freaked me out. Anything I did find was freelance writing or odd jobs for new blogs/websites. I would be happy doing all of that, for the experience. But a lot of it is unpaid and/or temporary. No guaranteed work or salary. I was expecting this considering I want to work in such a competitive field and as yet I don't have an awful amount of experience. However, the reality struck me like a bat out of hell and I was in shock.

This put me in a quiet and contemplative mood for the rest of the day. I hate it when I'm not cheerful. I pride myself on being chirpy and smiling all the time, especially when I am with JC and trying to motivate him to study for exams. So I was stuck in a vicious cycle. Scared - Grumpy - Annoyed at my grumpiness - Grumpy - Scared. The boy tried to help, but when I am in that mood there is no getting me out of it. I was wallowing in self-doubt and self-pity, my self-confidence was totally shot to pieces, and I didn't want to be cuddled out of it. After dinner, some chatting, and some reading I did magically feel better. He reminded me why I am so willing to marry him and move to Manchester: he is amazing. He is worth any trouble I may have trying to find work and money, and more than that, he will support me emotionally and financially through any future difficulties.

So, my temporary fears quashed by the lovely man on my arm, I did another job search. Et voilà, I found some viable possibilities! It was a whirlwind couple of days on the employment front, but at the end of it I realised that I am still young. I have so much time to establish myself in the career that I want, and to find what on earth that is... In the meantime, I have a degree to attain, a wedding to plan, and lots of weight to lose! I also gots myself lotsa lovin' to do :)