Rolling in the deep...

... of a planning frenzy.

Currently, life is dull. I have some Anglo-Saxonist creative writing to be getting on with; I am spending most of this week alone in my parents' house; and the University term restarts next Monday with more work to do - ugh.

Nevertheless, my mind is brimming with ideas and plans for so many future events that I can't help but be excited! The reality of planning a wedding has set in today, after I made some appointments to visit some local venues. I'm not just going to pop in and have a nosy at the grounds, I am actually going to TALK to the scarily titled 'wedding co-ordinators' and be given official tours of houses and grounds. Eeeeek! It has all become so real. And I can be excited now because Dad seems to have come around to the idea that we want our marriage to take place next year. Even more eeeeek!

We did some last-minute investigating at a few places on the weekend which was pleasing to me and Mum, but Dad was not enthusiastic at all. He wavered between deliberately aloof or stubbornly antagonistic. If one of us mentioned 'next year' he would mutter 'or the year after...' It was so irritating: if you have a problem, communicate it maturely and in a way that allows everyone else the chance to understand things from your perspective, don't just mumble and groan like a child. Argh! My Mum and I were becoming incredibly frustrated.

Anyway, he went away on Sunday night for work and when he returned on Monday evening he was much more enthusiastic and chipper about the whole situation. He encouraged me to contact venues and caterers and start booking appointments to visit possible locations - something that he would not have dreamed of doing at the weekend. I guess he just needed time to himself to reflect and come to terms with the fact that his little girl is all grown up! And my engagement is not a vague hint at something more, it is the beginning of a long, probably arduous process of planning, booking and paying for a wedding. An actual wedding.

Other thoughts that are swimming around my head concern less exciting, but just as important things. The big D (dare I say the full word?), aka the dissertation, is coming up fast and I have NO idea what to write about. I'm not even sure which period of literature I want to focus on, let alone which writers or topics to research. When I breathe and think about it rationally I know that I have plenty of time to decide on all of these things. But, that doesn't alleviate the worrying that is beginning to set in. And considering how quickly this year is passing me by, I'm sure "D-Day" is preparing to leap up and bite me on the ass sooner than I'd like.

Finally, I was supposed to use this break from classes to make a substantial start on my creative writing portfolio for my Old English module. Yesterday I finally had an idea for an Anglo-Saxonist short story, inspired by the speaker of an Old English poem, but today I have no motivation to take it any further. Avoiding the academic guilt that is so close to destroying my positive mood, I am being productive in other areas. Updating blogs, booking venue viewings, and other internet-based research that I should be doing for various non-academic (and therefore non coma-inducing) purposes. I may even do some ironing for Mama Sidhu. Maybe...

Now that you are also rolling amidst the depths of my excitement and/or sleep-depriving stress, I can end this here blog entry.

Stay safe. Peace.

(Almost) Quarter-Life Crisis.

Being cooped up in someone else's flat, in a strange city does wonders for the brain's thinking power. It is not so good, however, when your mind decides to turn its full attention on that dreaded 'F' word, the FUTURE.

I am happily engaged so no doubts there at all. In fact, I am loving the conversations about venues, budgets and cakes! It becomes a little daunting at times- there are so many details to pick and choose, it's all a bit intimidating, but still super exciting.

Like most penultimate year students I know, I am beginning to think about what I am going to do when my time at University is over- this is terrifying. Don't get me wrong, I am unbelievably ready to finish my degree! I enjoy it, but I need to escape the small town in which I have ended up, and I cannot wait to get married and start my real life.

Nevertheless, deciding to move to Manchester (at least while JC qualifies as an Actuary) has thrown my career plan right off course. Day-to-day this does not bother me. I relish the prospect of a life that isn't already set in stone. However, I spent the other day scouring the internet for possible work in Manchester. I looked for the kinds of jobs I would be interested in applying for, and for employment that I hadn't though of before, but I would be qualified to do. To my pleasant surprise I found quite a lot of media-based jobs that I could try and get into right here in Manchester. The city is a thriving, bustling place, and much cheaper and friendlier than London (in my opinion) so these future job prospects got me excited!

However, I made the mistake of continuing my search the next day and alas, NO WORK. NOTHING. NADA. I couldn't find anything that I would be able to apply for and this freaked me out. Anything I did find was freelance writing or odd jobs for new blogs/websites. I would be happy doing all of that, for the experience. But a lot of it is unpaid and/or temporary. No guaranteed work or salary. I was expecting this considering I want to work in such a competitive field and as yet I don't have an awful amount of experience. However, the reality struck me like a bat out of hell and I was in shock.

This put me in a quiet and contemplative mood for the rest of the day. I hate it when I'm not cheerful. I pride myself on being chirpy and smiling all the time, especially when I am with JC and trying to motivate him to study for exams. So I was stuck in a vicious cycle. Scared - Grumpy - Annoyed at my grumpiness - Grumpy - Scared. The boy tried to help, but when I am in that mood there is no getting me out of it. I was wallowing in self-doubt and self-pity, my self-confidence was totally shot to pieces, and I didn't want to be cuddled out of it. After dinner, some chatting, and some reading I did magically feel better. He reminded me why I am so willing to marry him and move to Manchester: he is amazing. He is worth any trouble I may have trying to find work and money, and more than that, he will support me emotionally and financially through any future difficulties.

So, my temporary fears quashed by the lovely man on my arm, I did another job search. Et voilà, I found some viable possibilities! It was a whirlwind couple of days on the employment front, but at the end of it I realised that I am still young. I have so much time to establish myself in the career that I want, and to find what on earth that is... In the meantime, I have a degree to attain, a wedding to plan, and lots of weight to lose! I also gots myself lotsa lovin' to do :)